I didn’t reach any of my goals for 2022. I only had two and I didn’t complete either of them.
I had a word of the year, I started the year with clear goals and intentions. I was realistic and determined and goal-oriented to accomplish them both by the deadline of 2023. I really did make an honest effort but in the end, didn’t meet my goals.
So what happened?
In the Spring of 2022 I was struggling. I didn’t know about what or why; my daughter was 9 months old by then and things were getting easier as a first time mom. The days were getting longer, the sun was getting stronger—everything was looking up…on paper.
How long could the baby blues and/or that winter’s usual SAD possibly last?
Well it only got worse from there and I found myself on one particularly hard day experiencing suicidal ideation. At this point it wasn’t just about me anymore, it was about the safety of my baby. I needed help. Help I couldn’t pray my way out of needing. So, I talked to my husband about it all, upped my therapy, joined a postpartum peer-support group and after some time of careful consideration, started on antidepressants.
After the dust settled and I was working towards stability, my husband and I came to the conclusion that he, too, was experiencing depression. He had been working so hard to be stable and supportive through moving multiple times, pregnancy and postpartum that after I was ‘taken care of’ so to speak, he finally let the weight of it all come crashing down and it took him out on the way.
Here’s where you won’t hear me say, “But we’re all good now, thank God everything is back to normal!” Because we’re not and what’s even normal anyways? We are simply taking one step at a time, leaning on God, each other and our supportive church family and trying our best to practice gratitude and being content with what God sends our way. Really, how else can we live a life we have so little control over?
If I’ve been reminded of anything in 2022, it’s this: “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9). The only word of the year I need for 2023 is His word. --- And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 | ESV
